I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
