I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
