Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
