ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
