his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
