chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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