i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
