My Higher Power is John Stamos
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
