i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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