Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
