I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
