All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Rumble strips road head = magical
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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