gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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