you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
