Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you win again, gameday.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
