her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
