I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
