Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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