You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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