Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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