Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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