If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
