I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
