what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
