Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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