I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
