Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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