How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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