Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
