Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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