You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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