Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
