I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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