what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
