were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize