oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
honey bunches of taint.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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