my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
