Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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