Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
