He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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