I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
