I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize