i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
