Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
