I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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