Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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