I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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