Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
