if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My bed smells like the plague
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