I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
