I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
