Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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