try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
