Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
