I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
