Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
