no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
