It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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