I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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