We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
