You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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