Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
