I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
