First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize