Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
