What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
