Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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