...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
