I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize